The Masculine Virtue Everyone Feels — Even the Pagans Know It
Saint Joseph Workshop | Forming Men Who Carry the Quiet Strength of Christ
A Comment That Hit Me Like Scripture
The other day my co-parent said something I wasn’t expecting.
She asked me:
“Do you know what men’s lingerie is?”
I was confused.
She explained:
“Men like women in lingerie.
Women like men who listen. That’s their turn-on.”
It stopped me in my tracks.
Not because it was some relationship hack. But because it revealed something deeper, something ancient, something God Himself designed into the human heart:
Virtue is attractive.
Listening is masculine.
Presence is powerful.
And even people who don’t know God still feel the truth of it.
Even the Pagans Know It — So Why Don’t We?
Jesus once said:
“Even the pagans know how to give good gifts to those they love.”
—Matthew 7:11
That line used to bother me. Because it felt like Jesus was raising the bar on already struggling men:
If pagans can do basic love, how much more should a disciple of Christ?
But now I see it differently. Jesus wasn’t shaming men. He was revealing something simple:
Grace perfects nature.
Not replaces it.
Not bypasses it.
Pagans give gifts.
Christians give gifts with the heart of Christ.
Pagans listen because it helps relationships.
A Catholic man listens because he sees the image of God in the person speaking.
That’s the difference.
That’s the weight.
That’s the calling.
To live as a disciple of Christ is to embrace this profound calling with sincerity and humility. It is to see every interaction as an opportunity to reflect love that is deeper and more transformative than mere human kindness. Grace does not discard the good found in natural human inclinations but elevates them, infusing them with divine purpose.
When a disciple offers a kind word or a helping hand, it is done with an awareness that they are participating in a greater mission—a mission to embody the love of Christ in a world yearning for hope and healing. This means going beyond surface-level acts of goodness to seek genuine connection, understanding, and compassion.
In this way, every act of love becomes a testament to the divine grace at work within us. It is a grace that not only perfects the natural but also inspires others to see the beauty and potential in themselves and the world around them. This calling is not just an obligation but a profound privilege, inviting us to live with intention and joy, knowing that even the simplest acts can echo with eternal significance.
Listening: The Hidden Masculine Strength
Listening isn’t soft.
It’s not passive.
It’s not weak.
Listening is:
Self-control
Humility
Emotional steadiness
Discipline of the tongue
Willingness to carry another’s burden
Strength under control
It’s the trait that separates immature boys from anchored men.
In Scripture, every powerful man listens before he acts:
Joseph — silent strength, attentive to God and Mary.
Samuel — “Speak, Lord, your servant is listening.”
David — open to correction, even when rebuked.
Jesus — stopping for the blind, the broken, the bleeding, the unwanted.
Superheroes perform.
Saints attend.
Saints attend with a heart full of compassion and a mind ready to understand. They recognize that true power lies not in grand gestures, but in the quiet moments of presence and empathy. Listening, in its truest form, is an act of love and service, a reflection of the divine attentiveness that God offers to each of us.
In a world that often equates action with strength, the ability to listen deeply and genuinely is a radical act. It requires setting aside one's own agenda, silencing the inner chatter, and opening oneself to the stories, struggles, and joys of others. This kind of listening is transformative; it builds trust, fosters healing, and creates a sacred space where hearts can connect and grow.
To listen like a saint means to engage with the world in a way that is both grounded and open, seeking not to impose our will but to discern the will of God in every encounter. It is a practice that draws us closer to the divine, urging us to embody the love and grace that we have received, and to offer it freely to those around us. In doing so, we become instruments of peace and channels of hope, echoing the gentle yet powerful presence of Christ in every corner of our lives.
What My Ex-Wife Accidentally Taught Me About Catholic Masculinity
Her comment wasn’t religious.
It wasn’t theological.
But it aligned perfectly with everything the Church teaches about masculinity:
A man’s strength becomes beautiful when it becomes attentive.
Women don’t want a man who reacts.
They want a man who receives.
Women don’t want a man who performs.
They want a man who attends.
Lingerie catches the eye —
but listening catches the soul.
This is the masculine posture of Christ:
“Morning by morning He opens my ear that I may hear.”
—Isaiah 50:4
It is in this quiet attentiveness that true masculinity finds its fullest expression. To be a man of faith is to cultivate a strength that is not about dominance or control, but about presence and understanding. It is to embody the virtues of patience, gentleness, and respect, recognizing that these are not signs of weakness but profound strength.
The example of Christ shows us that real power lies in the ability to listen deeply and to respond with love. He teaches us that being truly masculine means being open to the needs and emotions of others, and being willing to bear with them in their struggles. This is a calling to be both a protector and a nurturer, to lead with humility and serve with grace.
In relationships, this kind of masculinity transforms interactions into sacred exchanges where both partners feel seen, heard, and valued. It invites men to step into a role that is more than just a provider or protector, but also a companion who seeks to understand and support. This is the essence of Catholic masculinity—rooted in the teachings of the Church, yet lived out in the everyday gestures of kindness and commitment.
In the end, what my ex-wife taught me, perhaps unintentionally, is that the journey to becoming a man of God is not about grandiose acts or declarations, but about the subtle, persistent work of shaping one's heart to reflect the love and attentiveness of Christ. This is the path to a masculinity that is both holy and whole, one that brings peace and joy to those we love and serves as a testament to the transformative power of faith.
God Is Forming You Through Chaos
I can see how God has been shaping me lately:
Through conflict
Through co-parenting
Through misunderstandings
Through emotional storms
Through moments where I wanted to shout but didn’t
Through moments where I wanted to defend myself but listened instead
God uses friction to carve virtue.
God uses arguments to train patience.
God uses tension to teach restraint.
God uses even non-believers to remind us what authentic masculinity looks like when lived well.
And all of it is forming one foundational virtue:
Listening.
From that one root, the other virtues grow:
Prudence
Temperance
Justice
Charity
Wisdom
Gentleness
Strength
Listening is the trunk of the tree.
Everything else branches from it.
It is the quiet strength that sustains us through life's chaos and challenges, grounding us in the midst of turmoil and guiding us toward a more profound understanding of ourselves and others. In the stillness of listening, we learn to discern God's voice amidst the clamor of the world, discovering the subtle ways in which He is shaping us every day.
Every disagreement, every struggle, every moment that tests our patience is an opportunity for growth. It is in these times that we are called to listen more deeply—not just to others, but to the whispers of the Holy Spirit guiding us toward humility and grace. By embracing this practice, we become more attuned to the needs of those around us, fostering relationships built on mutual respect and genuine care.
In this divine formation, we find that listening is not merely a passive act but a powerful tool for transformation. It is the art of being fully present, of opening our hearts to the stories and experiences of others, and of allowing those encounters to mold us into better versions of ourselves. As we cultivate this virtue, we nurture the seeds of other virtues within us, each one blossoming into a testament of our faith and commitment to living a life reflective of Christ's love.
In the end, this journey of formation is not a solitary one. We walk alongside others, learning from their wisdom and sharing in their joys and sorrows. Together, we build a community grounded in the principles of listening and understanding, creating a space where grace abounds and where each person is seen, heard, and valued.
Let us embrace the chaos as a sacred opportunity for growth, trusting that God is at work in every moment, shaping us into instruments of His peace and love. In doing so, we become living witnesses to the power of listening, reflecting the beauty of a life transformed by divine grace.
The Reflection That Became a Revelation
What my ex-wife said wasn’t just a line about attraction.
It was a natural-law echo of a supernatural truth:
The world is starving for men who listen.
Men who stay present.
Men who attend.
Men who hear before they speak.
Men who lead by quiet strength.
Men who resemble St. Joseph and Jesus more than any superhero.
Even pagans recognize the beauty of a man who listens.
But only a Christian man knows the deeper reason:
Because Christ Himself listened first.
To follow Christ’s example is to embrace a life where listening becomes a sacred act of connection and compassion. It is to see each conversation as an opportunity to reflect the attentive love that Christ has shown us, knowing that in listening, we not only honor the dignity of those around us but also draw closer to God.
This deeper reason compels us to cultivate a heart that is open and receptive, one that seeks to understand before being understood. It challenges us to move beyond superficial interactions and to engage with others in ways that are meaningful and transformative.
In a world that often favors noise over silence, and speaking over listening, choosing to listen like Christ is a radical act of faith. It is a commitment to living out the Gospel in our everyday lives, embodying the love and grace that we have received, and offering it freely to all we encounter.
As we strive to listen with the heart of Christ, we become part of a larger story—a divine narrative of redemption and healing that invites all of creation into a deeper relationship with its Creator. Let us listen with intention, guided by the example of Christ, and in doing so, become instruments of His love and peace in a world that so desperately needs both.
SJW Takeaway
Listening is the new Catholic masculinity.
It’s the spiritual weapon of men who fight without shouting.
It is the quiet sword that cuts through chaos.
It is the virtue the world still recognizes — even without faith —
because it is written into the heart of man by God Himself.