The Night I Cried Out — And the God Who Found Me Anyway
There was a night — one I’m not proud of, but one I’ll never forget — when I sat at a table with tarot cards, crystals, candles, and a desperation that felt louder than any prayer I had ever prayed. I was trying to talk to “spirits,” trying to force blessings out of shadows, trying to find riches, success, and meaning through whatever voice would answer.
I didn’t realize then how close I was to danger.
I didn’t realize I was grooming myself for spiritual slavery.
I didn’t realize I was calling out to things that could not save me.
And in the middle of that darkness, when the lie felt the most convincing, something inside me broke.
Not softly.
Not quietly.
It was a deep, loud, soul-shaking cry — the kind that tears through pride and reaches for a real God.
And He answered.
Not through cards.
Not through signs.
Not through “manifestations.”
But through Truth.
We chase the creation, but God is the Creator.
“For all men who were ignorant of God were foolish by nature; and they were unable from the good things that are seen to know him who exists… For from the greatness and beauty of created things comes a corresponding perception of their Creator.”
I had been chasing the shiny things — the “energies,” the objects, the promises of secret knowledge.
I thought I was “going deep.”
I thought I was spiritual.
I thought I was enlightened.
But Wisdom 13 revealed the truth:
I wasn’t searching for God. I was searching for power.
I was bowing down to the creation instead of the Creator — to tools, cards, feelings, symbols, and false promises.
And worst of all, I thought I was in control.
The danger is not that God hides — it’s that we settle for cheap imitations.
Wisdom 13 warns us that:
“If they were amazed at their power and working, let them perceive from them how much more powerful is He who formed them.”
That was my life.
I was amazed by coincidences.
I was impressed by “signs.”
I was excited by “readings.”
I mistook emotional reactions for spiritual wisdom.
But all of it was a distraction.
A trap dressed as enlightenment.
A doorway that looks harmless but leads to bondage.
How many people today worship:
Money
Success
Aesthetic spirituality
“Positive energy”
Manifestation
Horoscopes
Tarot
“Universe”
Ancestors as gods
Idols made from wood, metal, or algorithms
They chase these things because they sparkle. Because they promise quick answers. Because they promise control.
But Wisdom 13 says plainly:
If creation impresses you, imagine the One who created it.
If tarot feels powerful, imagine the One who commands angels.
If crystals seem beautiful, imagine the One who formed mountains.
If the universe feels magical, imagine the One who spoke it into existence.
The night my heart turned toward the real God
My conversion didn’t happen in a cathedral, surrounded by incense.
It happened at a table surrounded by lies.
But when I cried out — truly cried out — God broke through everything I had built in my ignorance.
He wasn’t offended.
He wasn’t distant.
He wasn’t disgusted.
He simply revealed Himself.
And once you taste the real, the fake dissolves.
Once you encounter the Creator, the creation loses its power.
Once you feel the Holy Spirit, you never again confuse spirits for Spirit.
Chasing riches is a trap — but God offers something deeper
I wanted to be rich.
I wanted comfort.
I wanted shortcuts.
I wanted spiritual “hacks.”
But Jesus said,
“What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?”
“For what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world, and suffer the loss of his soul?”
Wisdom 13 says we are foolish when we admire the creation but ignore the Creator.
“For as they live among his works they keep searching,
and they trust in what they see, because the things that are seen are beautiful.
Yet again, not even they are to be excused;
for if they had the power to know so much
that they could investigate the world,
how did they fail to find sooner the Lord of these things?”
I lived that foolishness.
And now I can say with every breath:
No tarot card can compare to God’s voice.
No spell can compare to God’s providence.
No ritual can compare to God’s mercy.
No earthly treasure can compare to salvation.
If you keep searching past the distractions — you will find Him.
Maybe you’re like I was:
Trying everything except surrender.
Chasing every light except the true Light.
Calling on every name except the Name above all names.
But if you push past the illusions…
If you stop settling for shadows…
If you dare to ask for the real God, not the convenient god…
You will find Him.
Or rather, He will find you — just as He found me.
And when He does, you’ll realize:
Everything you were chasing was nothing compared to the One who created it.